The Rational Basis® of Happiness Podcast

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Teresa, you're having problems with your child?

Actually, my question is, I am a survivor. So I see everything that I'm facing to overcome. My question is what kind of emotional damage is a child subjected to when legally forced to overnight supervised visitations with a father whom he witnessed abuse his mother, and made the 911 call on the Father who was convicted of a felony and fault?

Okay, and now he's, how old is the child?

He's 10.

He's 10 years old, and he doesn't want to be with the dad. He doesn't want to go on visits is that it?

He has feared it. I have, you know, we will, we will go over it has all been legally fought until i i have not exhausted everything. But you know, I have to accept what is what has been done.

Okay. So you're saying that you're at the mercy of the legal system. And that you're, I'm assuming that you're a 10 year old child that you're worried about, and he's going to be exposed to the person who was abusive to you.

And well, actually, to him as well. Basically, in the United States of America, in the state of Virginia, a child is being forced to spend the night with the criminal he reported.

It absolutely drives me crazy when that happens. For three years, more than three years, my caseload was mostly abused children. And I was the psychologist that spoke for the children, I saw the children and then went to court. I was subpoenaed umpteen times, you know, to to be the voice of the children. So that they wouldn't have to go to court. And I will tell you the pain that you're going through as them I can, I can only imagine it, I witnessed it. It tortured me when I would be on the stand and tell the stories that the kids told me in graphic detail. And then a few months later, you know what happens? Right? Right, the child is put back in that family, the child's terrified, and it's awful. And so I would say the child's 10 years old, the child needs to know that he has to be able to talk. He doesn't he shouldn't keep any secrets. You can't force him to speak obviously. Do you have a good relationship with him? I'm assuming it your son, right?

Yes.

Do you have a good relationship with, does he open up and talk with you?

Yes, he would.

Well, then I would get a blow by blow of what went on that night. And in the best case scenario, nothing happened. In the worst case scenario. Well, he already had the courage have the courage himself to call 911 you're saying.

Yes, he he witnessed it ran and hid and made the call. He is a very brave boy.

Unbelievable. How old was he at the time?

This is all within less than a year.

And why is that? Why are the courts making this decision?

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And what is that? Why are the courts making this decision?

Well, I you know, I can only speak on opinion by you know, any other way that you know, for years, both parents or one or the perhaps fathers were not given their rights and I totally respect that every parent has the right to have their child Yeah, but criminals do not deserve Oh, if I

fully fully fully fully agree with you. So you want to know what emotional damage is can be done to your son

and also if your listeners if they are so compelled or move was right there congressman, their legislators that they removed the rights of criminals to the children they abused

you you have your voice right now on radio encouraging people to do that.

Yeah, also read you my poem for help. know how long

we're limited by time and I won't be able to give you advice. Why don't you Why don't

you only five lines? Okay, go ahead. The black bag references all the legal papers that lay in the black bag I've had for 10 years. In the black bag, lay all the years in the black bag, documents of fear in the black bag, reports of abuse in the black bag, are they abused? In the black bag? Pictures of harm? In the black bag are the orders of food in the black bag are the years of

Okay, so you've been through a lot and you've written a poem. And I would say that I think it's awful that the perpetrators getting away with this. I don't know why they made that decision. And I think in terms of your son, if you can be there supportively for him. And if you see yourself as a survivor and not as a victim, and you help him feel the pride of having made that phone call that the courage that he had then encouraged him to speak again, if he needs to not to make anything up, obviously. But to give you the details to share the details with you or someone an adult he trusts. You know if it's is he in therapy right now? Yes. Okay. Well, that's to share it with the therapist. I can't believe this is an unsupervised visit to

this visit is supervised. That's why I'm baffled.

They're getting Oh, what was supervising it?

But what is supervised overnight visitation? Is someone going to stand over my son's bed

who is supervising it?

The family of the abuser?

Okay, that's Yeah, I know, I know that that happens. Okay. I would you there's nothing you can do in terms of what you did right now. But the long term speaking to your congressman calling criminals, criminals not not having that backlash of the women's movement, make it so that non men can be with with their they override the fact that he's a criminal. And just because he's a man, they give him more privilege. I think that's what you were saying earlier.

And rightly so. I agree. And support father to your children. Yeah.

Well, listen, I think that if this, if this is any consolation, I think that if you encourage your child to speak up, maybe he'll go into law enforcement later, maybe he'll go into a career that fights for the right in some manner or other, you know, maybe he'll take from this a sense of inner strength within himself. You I would tell if my son had to go, I would say, keep your eyes open, don't provoke, but observe, learn and observe. And if he takes one step in the wrong direction, don't cut him any slack. There's no benefit of the doubt here. You make a phone call. You let people know if he says anything indirectly to you or camouflaged or like a veiled threat or something, you name it, never be afraid to name the truth or the facts. And then you can move forward and see if anything else in that black bag can turn things around. And I Yeah, and also Oh, yeah. I just my husband suggesting to carry a whistle to, you know, your son to carry a whistle. As a way he, my husband knows a little bit about law enforcement and safety issues. So I mean, he could take karate lessons. He could take some other things for self defense, but it depends if you send doesn't want to do that. What are you going to do? So, listen, thank you so much for your call. And I hope that in the future, things turn around from you.

For more Dr. Kenner podcasts go to DrKenner.com. And please listen to this ad.

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